Sleepy badger

Look at him, he's probably dreaming about mauling prairie dogs.

Sleep well, my ill-tempered friend.

Seen a while ago at the NEW Zoo, near Green Bay, Wisconsin.

Terrible ideas

I'm looking for an artist to flesh out my concept for a children's show. It's a carnivorous South American catfish with a never-say-die attitude: The Can-Do Candirú!

Likewise, I want to write and illustrate a children's book on animal tracks and signs. It will be called Which Species Made These Feces?

I have a business plan for a drive-thru restaurant for vultures: The Carrion Carry-Out.

I want to print bumper stickers with this slogan: Fortune Favors The Bold, But Inertia Favors The Lazy.

Bears and minivans: a love story

Bears love minivans. I stumbled across a recent (2009) paper in the Journal of Mammalogy which demonstrates this scientific fact:

ABSTRACT: Black bears (Ursus americanus) forage selectively in natural environments. To determine if bears also forage selectively for anthropogenic resources we analyzed data on vehicles broken into by bears from Yosemite National Park, California. We classified vehicles into 9 categories based on their make and model and collected data on use (2001–2007) and availability (2004–2005). From 2001 to 2007 bears broke into 908 vehicles at the following rates: minivan (26.0%), sport–utility vehicle (22.5%), small car (17.1%), sedan (13.7%), truck (11.9%), van (4.2%), sports car (1.7%), coupe (1.7%), and station wagon (1.4%). Only use of minivans (29%) during 2004–2005 was significantly higher than expected (7%). We discuss several competing hypotheses about why bears selected minivans.

Basically, the authors looked at the National Park Service database of bear vehicle break-ins in Yosemite Valley from 2001 to 2007 and broke down the data by the bruins' choice of vehicle type for each nocturnal breaking-and-entering session. Even though minivans represented only 7% of the vehicles parked overnight in Yosemite Valley, an astounding 28% of all ursine vehicular incursions were directed against minivans.

Read the article for yourself (not sure how long this link will persist.)

Why do bears love minivans so much? Is it the comfortable bucket seats, the generous cargo area, the convenient sliding doors, the "not great but really pretty ok for a big car" gas mileage? It is well known that bears enjoy all things automotive: outside Denver, a bear broke into a car, put it in gear, and crashed it into a tree. The car was a total loss. Back to minivans, though, it turns out that the convenient sliding doors and adjustable seats are part of the allure. One of the authors was quoted in a San Francisco Chronicle article on the study as saying that bears pry open the doors, tear out back seats, and pop open windows (rear side windows are apparently their favorite entry route) in their quest for people food stashed in minivans. Do the bruins favor vehicles with Stow-N-Go seating for easy removal of back seats? The results are unclear, but my thought experiments strongly indicates the answer may be yes.

In the end, the answer comes down to children. Not that the children are themselves food for the bears (really, only witches regularly consume children, though the occasional ghoul will take a child in opportunistic feeding situations), but insofar as minivans are likely to be used to transport children, who grind Goldfish dust soaked with Capri Sun into the upholstery. No matter how fastidious the grown-ups are about not leaving food in the van, the atomized food particles in the seats are sufficiently odorous to compel a passing bear to break and enter in hopes of scoring a pawful of Cheerios and a Sunny D chaser.

Sounds like folks across the Pacific are no better off. According to several reports, bear attacks are on the rise in Japan. Are Japanese bears smaller and more efficient maulers? That's unclear, but the Land of the Rising Sun has a storied history of bear attacks. The man-eater was probably just frustrated because minivans wouldn't be invented for another 70 years or so.

Reference:

Stewart W. Breck, Nathan Lance, and Victoria Seher. (2009). "Selective foraging for anthropogenic resources by black bears: Minivans in Yosemite National Park". Journal of Mammalogy 90(5):1041–1044.

Clean for half a decade

Ladies and gentlemen, I have been clean for half a decade. I haven't had a Mountain Dew since October 30, 2005. I miss it every day. I have dreams about the golden nectar of sugar and caffeine. Having an addiction means being an addict for the rest of your days.

Picture stolen from Wikipedia

You see, Mountain Dew, it's not you - it's me. You got me through high school and college, and even into my first years of work. I remember driving to and from Arkansas to go fishing with my co-workers - for many hours in the car, you and beef jerky as my only companions. Remember that ridiculous rental car? Good times. When I went to the two-week bridge inspection training class, you were with me. One 20-ounce bottle at the beginning of class in the morning, and another one to ward off the post-lunch food coma. I'll never forget that, but you have to see that things are different now. I'm pretty sure that while I was working on my mechatronics project in college, I easily drank six Dews in a 24-hour period several days in a row. More than once, I had a bottle of Code Red Mountain Dew and a cold Pop-Tart for dinner on the way to the mechatronics lab. Same with my computer engineering senior capstone - especially since the vending machines in the main engineering building dispensed both original and Code Red in one-liter bottles. These are all treasured memories, but you and I have drifted apart, Mountain Dew. You have too much sugar, and your acids attack the enamel in my teeth. I wish I could say, "let's still be friends," but we both know it can never be. I wish you would tickle my innards again, but we'd only be kidding ourselves. Go on, Mountain Dew - don't wait for me. I really have a lot of "me" work to do. You're great. Really. Go find a nice teenager who will treat you right. You deserve it.

Habemus Papum

My cousin Nancy has two sons. The older boy, Owen, attends a preschool hosted by the local Roman Catholic parish, where portraits of popes past and present are found on the wall. The younger boy, Joel, often accompanies Nancy on her trip to take Owen to school. As he toddles by each Successor to Peter, Joel likes to ask, "Who dat?" I like to imagine that the conversation goes something like this:

Joel:	Who dat?
Nancy:	That's John XXIII, dear. He was expected to be an insignificant stop-gap pope, but instead called the Second Vatican Council, which had far-reaching consequences felt yet today.
Joel:	Who dat?
Nancy:	Honey, that's Gregory XIII. He is best known for establishing the modern calendar in response to the increasing difference between the Julian calendar and the solar year, but also he founded many universities and supported the arts.
Joel:	Who dat?
Nancy:	My dear boy, that is Pius XI, remembered for his anti-Nazi encyclical Mit brennender Sorge, written in German, rather than the usual church Latin.
Joel:	Who dat?
Nancy:	My beloved son, that is Leo XIII. His encyclical Rerum Novarum was the first papal document addressing the conditions of the working class; it attacked both communism and unrestrained capitalism while affirming the right to private property.
Joel:	Who dat?
Nancy:	That's the water fountain, Joely. Your father's relatives in Wisconsin would call it a "bubbler."

So delighted is Joel with papal regalia that Nancy instituted a "Pontiff-fy My Son" contest on her blog. I had to give it a shot - if not because Lisa and I are the godparents of this would-be Bishop of Rome, then for the can of Old Bay seasoning promised to the winner.

My entry didn't win - it was bested by some very gifted Photoshop artists - but I stand by it:

Take heed, Pope Joel I: sic transit gloria mundi.

Flags: State of Nevada

I'm in Reno for a conference, so this seems like an appropriate time to comment on Nevada's state flag. I like the choice of the cobalt blue field; it looks nice against the western sky and complements the national flag. In the corner is a logo (significantly, not the state seal, which is the vexillological kiss of death according to my state flag manifesto) with two sprigs of sagebrush (the state flower), a star, and a banner with the slogan, "Battle Born." The slogan is a reminder that Nevada joined the Union during the Civil War. The state's silver mines helped finance the Union Army. The flag loses some points by having the name of the state printed upon it - another state flag no-no - but overall I like it. It certainly looks like the flag of no other state.

The other symbols of the Silver State include some pretty awesome things. The state flower is sagebrush, as mentioned above, and its fragrance is unmistakable and delightfully refreshing.

Nevada has a remarkable state fossil: the ichthyosaur Shonisaurus, found near the ghost town of Berlin, was a 55-foot-long marine reptile from the late Triassic. This Mesozoic fish-eater is so totally sweet that it gave its name to a state park (Berlin-Ichthyosaur State Park) and a beer (Ichthyosaur IPA, from the Great Basin Brewing Company in Sparks/Reno).

When it comes to extant things aquatic, the Silver State does not disappoint. The official state fish is the Lahontan cutthroat trout, Oncorhynchus clarki henshawi, the largest subspecies of cutthroat trout. The Nevada Legislature describes its awesomeness and appropriateness:

The Lahontan Cutthroat Trout, a native trout found in 14 of the state's 17 counties, is adapted to habitats ranging from high mountain creeks and alpine lakes to warm, intermittent lowland streams and alkaline lakes where no other trout can live.

The Lahontan cutthroat narrowly escaped extinction due to overfishing and competition with introduced rainbow and lake trout. A relict population was found high in the mountains; through hatcheries, this population has reintroduced the species to some of its old habitats.

The state mammal (though the Legislature mistakenly calls it "the state animal") is the desert bighorn sheep, Ovis canadensis nelsoni a handsome beast with a smaller stature but wider horns than its Rocky Mountain cousin, O. canadensis canadensis, which coincidentally is the state mammal of Colorado (likewise, another subspecies of cutthroat trout is the state fish of Colorado). The state reptiles is the desert tortoise, Gopherus agassizii, a long-lived shellback found in the southern part of the state.

There are many other awesome things about the Silver State that I plan to write about later, so I'll stop here. One final note, though: the accepted local pronunciation is "Nuh-VAD-uh", not "Nuh-VAW-duh". Nevadans have publicly booed a sitting President on at least one occasion for deviation from the accepted local pronunciation of the state's name.

A former state archivist wrote on a Nevada State Library & Archives site that

Folks east of the Rocky Mountains defend saying “Nuh-VAW-duh” by claiming it’s the proper Spanish pronunciation. So why don’t they pronounce Florida, Texas, Colorado, New Mexico, Arizona, and California by their Spanish pronunciations?

The state tourism office is so intent on settling this issue that they included pronunciation help on their promotional logo:

Ten things I love about Nebraska

Nobody should write off the Great Plains as "flyover country." There's a lot of neat stuff to do, though I concede that it's a little bit spread out.

Here are ten of my favorite destinations in Nebraska, moving from east to west. Most of them are reasonably close to Interstate 80.

1. The Henry Doorly Zoo in Omaha is a world-class institution. Among other things, it has the world's largest indoor habitat dome: desert at street level, "Kingdom of the Night" nocturnal critters exhibit in the basement. Like many zoos, they have a narrow-gauge tourist railroad running through the park - but this one is powered by a bona fide steam locomotive. Finally, I saw a monkey riding a tapir in the jungle exhibit, which rocked my world.
   


2. The Strategic Air & Space Museum (formerly known as the Strategic Air Command Museum), near Omaha. They have a B-36 and a B-52...in the same hangar. I was a bit rushed during my visit; I could have spent all day there.
   


3. The state capitol building in Lincoln is a significant piece of Art Deco architecture. It ranks with Baton Rouge and Honolulu as one of the most distinctive state capitol buildings (Huey Long essentially stole Nebraska's design for the capitol building in Baton Rouge. He was later shot in that very building, but that's another story). Nerds will enjoy the Classical-style floor mosaics of critters from the state's fossil record. Fiscal conservatives will appreciate that the building was paid off by the time it was completed - on time and under budget - thanks to pay-as-you-go financing.
   

   The Nebraska Legislature which meets in the capitol is also remarkable. Nebraska is the only state in the Union with a unicameral legislature. Upon statehood in 1867, Nebraska had a typical bicameral legislature with a state House of Representatives and Senate. In 1934, however, the populace voted to amend the state constitution, dissolving the House and making the Senate the sole legislative body - largely as a Depression-era cost-saving measure. As if a single, more transparent legislative body wasn't fantastic enough, the legislature is completely nonpartisan! While legislators do have party affiliations, each of the 49 Senators effectively runs as an independent candidate and is expected to vote strictly based upon conscience and the will of the constituency rather than party platforms. Oh, and the constitution requires that they balance the budget before leaving each session. Yeah.
   

4. Fort Kearny Historic Site. This stopping point on the Overland Trail features a reconstruction of the stockade and blacksmith shop. To be sure that visitors are sufficiently confused, there's a similarly-named state recreation area to the north; also, the fort is spelled 'Kearny' while the county and nearby city are spelled 'Kearney'. Still worth a visit.
   


5. Pioneer Village. See "a history of man's progress" at this museum in Minden.


6. The UPRR Bailey Yard, the world's largest railroad classification yard, located in North Platte. There is a sweet double-decker observation tower (The Golden Spike Tower) from which to take in the action. You haven't lived until you've seen boxcars getting humped.
   


7. Chimney Rock National Historic Site. This needs no explanation to anyone who's played Oregon Trail. Somehow, the indigenous name for the pillar - The Elk Penis - never took off with Victorian-era settlers.


8. Scott's Bluff National Monument. Imagine traveling overland along the Platte River Road, heading west from the Missouri River over 400 miles of prairie. Then, out of nowhere, comes a giant freaking rock. ... Curiously, Scott's Bluff is slightly closer to the city of Gering than the city of Scottsbluff.
   


9. The Wildcat Hills area of the Panhandle is very beautiful.
   


10. Panorama Point. At 5410 feet above sea level, it's the highest point in the state. It's no towering peak - in fact, the "point" is a barely perceptible rise. However, it exemplifies the subtle beauty of the high plains. After Lisa and I returned to the car following the grueling summit trek, we were rewarded with the sight of wild pronghorn grazing nearby.
    

Honorable mentions go to the following places I have not personally visited but sound amazingly sweet:

• Take a ride on the Fossil Freeway! This auto tour route (highlighted in red on my map) runs across the Nebraska Panhandle from the Colorado line north into the Black Hills country of southwestern South Dakota, with awesome science, nature, and culture destinations along the way. In Nebraska alone, you'll find (from south to north):
  • The Wildcat Hills and Scott's Bluff, noted above
  • Agate Fossil Beds National Monument, near Harrison, home to a great assemblage of Miocene fossils
  • The Trailside Museum at Fort Robinson State Park, near Crawford
  • Hudson-Meng Bison Bone Bed
  • Toadstool Geologic Park, crazy rocks in the Nebraska National Forest, also near Harrison
• Niobrara National Scenic River, near Valentine - according to the National Park Service, it is "not just the premier recreation river in Nebraska," but a "unique crossroads where many species of plants and animals coexist unlike anywhere else." Nearby Smith Falls State Park is home to the tallest waterfall in the state (at 63 feet high, it's no joke).
  
• Ashfall Fossil Beds State Historical Park, near Royal - "The Pompeii of Prehistoric Animals" is maintained by the University of Nebraska-Lincoln as an active paleontological dig where all work goes on in full view of visitors. Truly, it is a living laboratory of giant dead things.
• Carhenge, in Alliance, needs no explanation.
• An enterprising family has turned a decommissioned Atlas E nuclear missile site near Kimball into a comfortable home - and it's for sale!. Tours available by appointment. Some lucky dude who got a tour has posted his photos of the site for the rest of us. Here's a video feature on the site from the Nebraska series "Next Exit".

On the map below, the ten sites I've visited are marked by blue pushpins, and the bonus sites are marked with green pushpins. The route Lisa and I took across the Cornhusker State a few years ago is marked in blue, and the Fossil Freeway in red - note that the routes overlap between Scottsbluff and Kimball.

View Ten Things I Love About Nebraska in a larger map

FULL DISCLOSURE: I am not on the payroll of the Nebraska Division of Travel and Tourism, but I am willing to be.