Flags: District of Columbia

I am pleased to write about a flag that is doubly special: (1) it is the flag not of a state of the Union, but the Federal District, and (2) I am currently in this District. I love when my travel schedule aligns with my geographic nerdosity.

The authorization for a special federal district, not to be a part of any state, as the seat of national government was laid out in Article I, Section 8 of the Constitution, which grants the Congress authority

To exercise exclusive Legislation in all Cases whatsoever, over such District (not exceeding ten Miles square) as may, by Cession of particular States, and the acceptance of Congress, become the Seat of the Government of the United States, and to exercise like Authority over all Places purchased by the Consent of the Legislature of the State in which the Same shall be, for the Erection of Forts, Magazines, Arsenals, dock-Yards, and other needful Buildings;

Conveniently, the Constitution now spends most of its time in "such District." Now, I once thought that the creation of the Federal District was mandated by the Constitution, but the excerpt above suggests that Congress was allowed, but not required, to establish a seat of federal government distinct from any state. Anyway, the Federal District was established along the Potomac River, on land ceded from Maryland and Virginia - though Virginia got its cession back in 1846. Until then, the District of Columbia had been divided into two counties: the county of Washington on the north bank, and the county of Arlington on the south. Similarly, there were multiple municipalities in the District: until 1871, letters could be properly addressed to Georgetown, DC. The Organic Act of 1871 unified the City of Georgetown, the City of Washington, and the County of Washington into a single legal entity, the District of Columbia.

So, while DC as we know it came into existence in 1871, it wasn't until 1938 that it adopted its spiffy red-and-white flag. The banner is based on the three stars and stripes from the shield on George Washington's family coat of arms. I heartily approve - it is instantly recognizable, and simple enough for schoolchildren to draw. The citizens of the Federal City seem to dig it - it appears on non-governmental logos and is flown from non-governmental buildings throughout the District.

The official motto of the District - Justitia omnibus ("Justice for all") - and the license plate slogan, "Taxation Without Representation," are not-so-subtle digs at the governance of the Federal City. Citizens of DC have a non-voting delegate in the House of Representatives, and only won the right to vote in presidential elections in 1961, with the ratification of the 23rd Amendment to the Constitution (they didn't actually get to vote until the presidential election in 1964).

As far as I can tell, the selection of the wood thrush (Hylocichla mustelina) as the official bird, or the scarlet oak as the official tree, of the District carries no specific political message. Too bad.

Be brave, like prawn

Menu boy no be coward, like shrimp; menu boy be brave, like prawn.
-The Simpsons, Episode CABF01, "Lisa the Tree Hugger"

I took a picture of this giant freshwater prawn (Macrobrachium rosenbergii) at the Smithsonian National Zoo in Washington, DC, specifically so I could make a motivational poster for Lisa. Having completed my mission, I'm now filled with rage - it turns out that Macrobrachium and many other so-called "prawns" are not true prawns at all: they are freshwater shrimp. Some helpful Australians have provided clarification:

...there is one sure way to tell them apart. In shrimps or carideans the side plate of the second segment of the abdomen overlaps the segments in front and behind. Prawns, most of which belong to the family Penaeidae of the group Dendrobranchiata, have all the abdominal side plates overlapping tile-like from the front. A more fundamental difference but one impossible to appreciate in a single specimen is that female prawns do not brood eggs but shed them into the currents where they develop independently. It would therefore make sense to call all member s of the Penaeidae "prawns" and members of the Caridean "shrimps" and this is what most Australians do....Confusion arises when we hear Americans refer to prawns as "shrimp".

So that settles questions of anatomy, but not courage. Is there any relationship between location of abdominal segmants and strength of character? I leave that to the decapod philosophers.

Katy didn't

Lisa spotted this character at the front door to our building. It's a katydid. My best guess based on a minimal amount of half-assed research is that it belongs to the genus Microcentrum. When I saw it, I told Lisa it was a leafhopper. This was based on two critical observations:

1. It looked like a leaf
2. It looked like some kind of grasshopper

QED, right? Wrong. It turns out that a leafhopper is a completely different type of insect which hops on leaves, rather than resembles a leaf. Leafhopper are also really tiny. There goes my entomology career.


I can conclusively say, though, that...it is green.

Three-chambered peanuts!

MARSHFIELD, WISCONSIN - My friend Aaron and I were sitting on his back porch eating peanuts and drinking beer. when something totally unexpected happened: one of us found a three-chambered peanut...and then it happened six more times. I know, right? Seven three-chambered peanuts in one bag - what a time to be alive.

Angry eagle law firm

Do some aspiring attorneys dream of practicing angry eagle law, or does it just happen?

It happened in Tucson, Arizona, on Valencia Road, just west of the airport. Whether you need to sue over unlawful regurgitation or defend yourself against charges of kleptoparasitism, the Angry Eagle Law Firm has you covered. You can celebrate your assured victory across the parking lot, at the Happy Chicken restaurant.




Angry Eagle and Happy Chicken, staring each other down across the Arizona asphalt - I wonder if anyone at the zoning board chuckled when these building permits were issued.

Coordinates:
32.13412 N, 110.97922 W (WGS84)

You can see the avian showdown in Street View.

Why I hate Eastern Michigan University

Rounding out my triad of sports-related posts, I'd like to announce that I have sworn eternal vengeance against Eastern Michigan University.

Founded in 1849 as Eastern Michigan Normal School, the Ypsilanti-based school bills itself as "an extraordinarily practical, supportive, accessible, affordable and quality learning and living environment," where a "distinct mix of comprehensive academic resources, strong community initiatives, focus on education first, and nationally recognized undergraduate student research achievements set it apart." I have no reason to doubt any of this. No, my undying hatred lies in their 1991 decision to adopt "The Eagles" as their nickname. Does the world really need another generic school mascot? Within the Mid-American Conference alone, you'll find such creatively-named teams as the Akron "Zips" and the Kent State "Golden Flashes." It seems that Eastern isn't even trying.

Now, there are a number of good reasons why EMU's previous nicknames are no longer tenable:

• I can see why Normalites no longer works, give that the institution is no longer known as a "normal school" (that's old-timey talk for a teachers' college)
• Likewise, in these enlightened times, Men from Ypsi would exclude women's sports, though I can't see why "Women from Ypsi" wouldn't work.
• From 1929 to 1991, EMU athletes were known as Hurons - a name with local significance - but this name was dropped following a request by the State of Michigan that all schools in the state cease to use Native American names for mascots. Curiously, EMU's conference rivals, the Central Michigan University "Chippewas," ignored this request.
• For a short time following the above decision, EMU athletes were jokingly called the No-Names. Wonder why that didn't stick.
  

Hopefully, students, administrators, and alumni will finally realize that the answer has been under their noses for years. EMU's mascot should be the Emu! This large flightless bird, Dromaius novaehollandiae, is everything an athlete should strive to be: fleet-footed, with high endurance, and prone to occasional violence toward humans.

Take heed, Eastern Michigan University - become the EMU Emus or taste my wrath...at least until I find something else to be angry about.

Northwestern needs a new mascot

I have officially been at Northwestern University in various capacities - undergraduate student, staff member, and graduate student - for TEN YEARS. Yep, over one-third of my life has passed along Sheridan Road. That alone is a sobering thought - no question that ol' NU has been a good place to study and work, but ten years...wow.

Given the length of my own tenure on this campus, and the strong family connections (my father, uncle, and brother are alumni too), you might think that I would be an NU sports superfan, of the purple-bleeding variety, but I am not. This is for two reasons. The first is genetic - I come from a long line of sports-indifferent people, and, try as I might, I just can't get excited about college sports. The second reason, though, is a critical issue which I entreat the University to address for the sake of students past, present, and future: the mascot. Sorry, Willie - the wildcat needs to be replaced, for the following reasons.

First, let's look at the facts. The wildcat became NU's sports mascot completely by accident. Before the wildcat, NU's athletic nicknames included "The Fighting Methodists" and "Purple." I'm not a Methodist, but I'd be willing to be one on the field or in the stands. I don't know if the Wesleys were good at sports, but I'll give them the benefit of the doubt. Eighteenth-century theologians aside, "Wildcat" name comes from a sportswriter's description of a football team's tenacity in a 1924 game. It is indeed the accidental mascot.

Second, I, one who knows nothing about sports, can name three big schools who are also "Wildcats," and probably more fittingly so:

• University of Kentucky
• University of Arizona
• Kansas State University

I've never been on the campus of K-State, but I can say with confidence that at least Kentucky and Arizona deserve the mascot more than Northwestern. The mountains around U of A's main campus in Tucson are home to bobcats and moutain lions. As far as UK goes, I don't know of any wild felids roaming the streets of Lexington, but I assure you that there are plenty of wildcats in the backwoods of the Bluegrass State. The closest thing that I've seen in Evanston are Lisa's four-legged hellions (which live off-campus) and the occasional skunk.

Moving into the land of opinion, nothing about NU really says "wildcat" to me. Why not pick something that taps into our history? Failing that, why not pick something unique or maybe a little off-the-wall? One needn't look far for inspiration. Consider some of the other school mascots out there. In the Big Ten alone, we have Badgers and Boilermakers. West of the Mississippi, you'll find Jayhawks, Cornhuskers, and Sooners. On the west coast, we have the Oregon Ducks, the Oregon State Beavers, and two gems from the University of California system - the Anteaters (UC Irvine) and, my favorite, the Banana Slugs (UC Santa Cruz). With the notable exception of the Anteaters, all of these tap into local history, culture, legends, or remarkable fauna. UC Irvine gets special dispensation because anteaters are pretty awesome even if they're not native to southern California. The bottom line is that there's no excuse for overusing sports mascots. I'm watching you, Spartans, Eagles, Tigers, Hawks, and Bears.

In the spirit of constructive criticism, I offer some suggestions for a replacement mascot.

• The Purple Monkeys
• The Jaywalkers
• The Flying Frances Willards¹
• The McLean Stevensons²
• The Prophets of "See, in 1851, this was considered the northwestern frontier, get it?"
• The Fighting "Steven Colbert is an alumnus and that makes us all a little cooler by extension"-s

Join me in writing the board of trustees on this critical issue. The time is now. Go U Purple Monkeys!

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¹ Founder of the Women's Christian Temperance Union, one of the leading forces behind Prohibition. Probably a real party animal.
² Alumnus McLean Stevenson played the fictional University of Illinois alumnus Lt. Col. Henry Blake on M*A*S*H.